I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
