If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
