I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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