My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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