I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
