i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
