So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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