Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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