you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
