U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
