he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
