and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
