Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
