I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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