I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
