God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize