Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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