He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize