i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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