i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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