She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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