i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
