Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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