No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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