ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
