I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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