I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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