she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
