Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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