i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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