Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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