It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
