Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
