so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
