i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
