Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize