I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
