some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
