She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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