Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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