Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize