grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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