From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
