Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
