I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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