his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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