I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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