6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Couch. On fire.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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