It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Randomize
