i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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