So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
