why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
