i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
