the day after is always just damage control
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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