My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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