i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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