she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
