I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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