He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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