And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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