Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
