When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
