I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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