apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
