Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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