so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
