Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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