what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
