no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
