I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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