For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
