You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
