Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
