she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
