people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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