Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
