theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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