quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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