I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
