I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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